The Elegant Heron

I see herons—sorry, Great Blue Herons—most of the year, but their plumage seems to change this time of year so now I’m really eyeing them up.

They’re stoic lil’ fuckers. Except, they’re not that little. I often see them knee deep is some murky estuary or river water, motionless. And then, BAM, they dive their awkwardly long neck into the murk and in an instant come up with some fish or worm or… frog? I don’t actually know what they’re munching, but damn if they ain’t good at catching that mystery meal.

With their statuesque poise and precise, ninja-like actions one might think to call them “elegant” or “refined.” When they take flight some of that elegance turns to grandeur—how is this creature becoming airborne? How slow its wings flap. How languidly it seems to move through the air. Amazing.

And then it opens its fucking beak and makes a sound—which it doesn’t do often, not like some birds—and what a sound! Imagine a large bird screeching but in all low notes. Or, like a broken horn of a bygone jalopy. I guess it’s exactly how you’d imagine a dinosaur to sound. A pterodactyl perchance.

Odd story, but it reminds me of this time many moons ago: Walking up the stairs of the Stadium-Chinatown station in Vancouver. There was a group of Japanese teen schoolgirls—dressed exactly how you’d imagine, all prim and proper—walking ahead of me. I had similar thoughts as when I see a Great Blue Heron—wow, such refinement! I don’t think I’ve ever dressed so cohesively in my life!

Then one of them lets’er rip. A fart. Like a solid fart, not just a toot. And I’m just walking up the stairs, following behind them thinking “oh gosh, do I get out of the firing line?!” And then they all laugh exactly as you’d imagine Japanese school girls would laugh.

That’s precisely what it’s like when you hear a Great Blue Heron make its call. Shocking. A bit of contrast to wake you up from your presumptions, reminding you that life can always surprise.

So, I salute you Mr. G.B. Heron, you keep me on my toes, never really knowing what life will bring me next.

—AU